Posted by: twistsoffeet | January 29, 2011

Searching for Me

Many thoughts have been going through my head lately about who I am and who I want to be or should be.

This has always been a very confusing issue for me, as I believe it is for many people.

I mean that I have been pretty unstable throughout my life, never satisfied and always looking for my fate and happiness.

This search has led me around the world on more than one occasion and around America on many occasions. I have always traveled; first with my parents but later on my own. I have lived and worked in a dozen states from Florida to Alaska and visited all but Hawaii. I did take most of the 80’s off but even then I traveled to Indiana, New Mexico and Texas as well as all over Colorado.

Also at that time I was a cab driver so I was essentially always moving.

Last night, though, I had somewhat of an epiphany.

At least, that is what it seemed like for me. I was searching for some books on bicycle touring and I read a list of 62 books about bicycle touring. I thought I was crazy, but I read a little about some truly insane and exciting adventures people have had on two wheels.

These people were happy; yes, they were all searching for something and they all found something, but I and they, I believe. were happy because they accepted that their fate or destiny was found to always be in their grasp and in their control no matter how out of control their life may have seemed at times.

I believe that my happiness and destiny is not going to be found out there, hiding from me in some exotic local.  I have already found that for what I am looking. I have found me and what I am supposed to be doing is just what I am doing.

I am supposed to be experiencing life up close and personal from all four corners of the globe.  I have found that I am good at this wandering and experiencing because I love the colors and smells and cultures of this world. But I also found I am good at it because I just do not give a shit about traditional success.

Sure… I like the money and it is always nice to be able to go home after a long trip of several months and relax, but when I am in the world experiencing it– on the world’s terms– and frequently getting my butt kicked by it.

All of that insane sensory experience makes my heart beat a little stronger, my blood rush a little faster, and those friggin’ endorphins just get me all jacked up… and this is what I am meant to be doing.

This is who I am.

I think this trip, even though it is starting out within my own country, is going to be a little different. I am not certain how but it will be different and I look forward to it.


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