Posted by: twistsoffeet | April 6, 2010

The Mayor of the Malecon


Every day he can be found on the malecon, regardless of the weather.

He usually arrives about 7:30 AM. and leaves about 3:00 PM.

Kobu rules the malecon (the sea wall  in bario Esperanza). He is 87 years old, stands about 5’4″ tall, always has a smile on his face and speaks only Spanish.  He lives alone on about $70.00 per month social security, but his home is paid for and many people pitch in to provide for him.

As soon as we would open every day, Jennifer, the sweet beautiful hippy chick “trustafarian” from Martha’s Vineyard, meets him at Bellybutton’s restaurant, where I used to cook.  We always gave him a free cup of coffee and Jennifer would get it for him.  She would then deliver it to him as he patiently waited on the patio.  He would always get coffee and a kiss and he usually tried to get more than one kiss– and was usually successful. The mayor would then walk back to his office in a little shelter on the malecon, where his underlings and advisers– the men who sweep the malecon, the ruthlessly brutal, never smiling motorcycle police officer, the homeless vagrants who sleep on the beach and others would discuss Island politics, crime, the economy, and whether or not Puerto Rico should become the 51st state, etc..

As all this would take place, Kobu would constantly be surveying the malecon for pretty young females.  He especially liked hard bodied, large breasted 20-25 year old gringo women, but he was an equal opportunity aficionado of  the female form. Tourist women would frequently be coerced into posing with him for a photo and would inevitably flash their breasts at him just as the photo was taken.

What is really unbelievable is that he would give them his address and they would send him a copy!  He had hundreds of such photos.

You can probably guess by now that Kobu is a pretty lecherous old man…  true, but absolutely harmless.  He walks to the malecon every morning down hill at about 1/2 mile per hour, downhill, carrying his chair part of the way.  This, after he retrieves it from a friend who allows him to leave it in his yard, rather than carry it home and back every day. I would frequently pick him up in my truck and drive him to his office, but it did not really save him time or energy as it took him just as long to get in my truck, but at least then he did not have to carry the chair.

He walks with a cane hunched over from arthritis and age, shuffling along and is truly happy to still be able to go to his office on the malecon, watch the sea and the girls every day.

I said above he is absolutely harmless, but at least one friend is not quite certain.  She and her husband have a vacation home on the Island about a block from Kobu’s home.  They come and visit 3-4 times a year for a week or two, and she always brings clothes, food, and other such things for Kobu. One day, she was delivering these supplies  and while in his house, he suddenly decided to make his play.  Karen is a very active and attractive woman of about 50 years of age.

Just try to visualize Karen telling us all, including her husband, about Kobu at 87 years of age chasing her around the table in his dining room, shuffling along with his cane and his lecherous grin, all the while professing his love for her in Spanish and trying to kiss her!!

Needless to say all of us guys were howling hysterically with gut wrenching, side splitting laughter.  The more Karen tried to explain how distraught she was, the more we all laughed, and finally she came to her senses and burst out laughing so hard that she had tears flowing from her eyes.

She still brings Kobu his supplies these days, but now has her son or husband deliver them.

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